Former Vice President Dick Cheney is probably going to hell for his role in the Iraq War, Rep. Walter Jones (R-NC) said while speaking at a Young Americans for Liberty conference in Raleigh, N.C.

"Congress will not hold anyone to blame," Jones said. " "Lyndon Johnson's probably rotting in hell right now because of the Vietnam War — and he probably needs to move over for Dick Cheney."

The remark drew applause from the audience, while Jones went on to praise Rep. Ron Paul (R-TX) for helping him understand the role of the constitution and Congress when deciding whether to go to war. (Young Americans for Liberty stemmed from Paul's 2008 presidential campaign.)

Jones himself voted in favor of the war in 2003, but has expressed regret about the decision and become a vocal critic.

"Too many times in Washington nobody apologizes, especially when you send young men and women to die," he said. "We apologize if we get caught by the police driving drunk, if we have an affair, then we apologize. But never does anyone apologize for buying into a lie to send men and women to die."

If Jones' name sounds familiar, it may be because of another initiative he'd taken up: changing the name of "french fries" to "freedom fries."

[Update: I've been had! Turns out it's really satire! Sorry, folks, you'll just have to go hungry now after your friskings.]

McDonalds and the New York Police Department have teamed up together for a new program called "Three Strikes, You're In!"

Only in Bloomberg's NYC could this happen, and you just can't make this stuff up. The program is advertised as follows on an NYPD website:

"A new program that rewards innocent New Yorkers who are stopped and frisked.
Just fill in your “Three Strikes” voucher and present it at any participating McDonald’s for
a FREE Happy Meal™! "

"Carry your voucher with you at all times and when the police officer tells you that you are free to go, just write down the police officer’s badge number. Collect three and
You’ve Got a FREE Happy Meal™"

So, next time you're thrown up against a wall, or onto the hood of a car, or even down onto the sidewalk, cheer up! You're one step closer to a free hamburger or chicken McNugget Happy Meal. You even get your choice of french fries or apple dippers, as well as choice of drink.

Gee thanks, NYPD, McDonalds. This is just...swell.