From The Onion: To shore up support among female voters, the GOP has introduced a bill banning "putting angry hands to lady necks" and "hurting pretty ladies with mean sex."

Republicans reaching out to anyone but wealthy old white men should should be a give-away.

From the Onion, Paul Ryan is spending the final day of the campaign doing what he loves–reminding America's downtrodden that everything bad in their lives is their own fault.

It's so damn near close to the truth that it's almost not funny, don't you think?