After being informed that Republican candidate Mitt Romney had lost the presidential election, billionaire Mr. Burns admitted it was time to explain the looming “fiscal cliff” to America.

“Think of the economy as car, and a rich man as the driver,” Mr. Burns explained. “If you don’t give the driver all the money, he’ll drive you over the cliff. It is just common sense.”

“Furthermore, rich people feel things more deeply than the common man,” he added, showing a clip of depressed and suicidal billionaires following Romney’s defeat.

Mr. Burns also announced his new “progressive” immigration plan, which consisted of allowing 200 Irishmen into the country each year and speaking in broken Spanish.

A Florida resident's answering machine captured a call from a volunteer with the Republican Party of Clay County who was reaching out to potential voters with several important lies about the upcoming presidential election.

From the audio:

"Y'all sound like y'all are senior citizens, right? Yeah. You don't want Obama. You really don' want Obama. Because he'll get rid of your Medicare. You might as well say goodbye to it."

"I don't know if you've done any research on Obama or not, but he is a Muslim... if he had his way, we'd be a socialistic country."

"Pay attention to Fox News."

The head of the Clay County GOP told the St. Augustine Record that the woman was "off-script completely."

We have everything scripted,” Dougher said. “Those are clearly not the views of the Republican Party of Clay County or the Mitt Romney campaign.”

Hmm, I think I'd like to take a look at those scripts.

This video is probably not suitable for work due to adult language.

This is your moment of clarity #171: Every pundit, wonk, and talking head in the entire nation has been postulating, extrapolating, and bloviating about who will win the presidential election this November. They don't know the answer. But I do. Seriously. Check out the video to find out.

Keep fighting,

~Lee

The Daily Caller website announced that it would give away one 9mm pistol each week until November’s U.S. presidential election, and a vial purportedly containing blood drawn from Ronald Reagan after he was shot in 1981 was withdrawn from auction in response to criticism and donated to the Reagan Presidential Foundation.

[Via]

“’Like most Americans outside Washington, DC, New York City and most of our nation’s news rooms, large numbers of Daily Caller readers love guns. These people are already looking to our new Guns and Gear section for the latest product reviews and Second Amendment news,’ said Neil Patel, Publisher and CEO. ‘Thanks to Guns and Gear editor Mike Piccione, and the generous support of FMK, we are excited to have the opportunity to give those loyal and engaged readers the chance to win a new pistol every week leading up to the election.’”

The pistols come in three different colors and are engraved with the Bill of Rights.

A quote on the website of the gun manufacturer, FMK firearms, from Ted Nugent:

"I don’t like repeat offenders, I like dead offenders."